According to the storyline the boys had stolen his daughter's phone and forwarded some nude pictures of her that they had found on it to the rest of the school. DI Hardy stopped his car and threatened the boys saying that, he would "cut their tiny little cocks off".

It's not the language, or even the threats of violence that bothered me, after all it was post watershed. However, it was a real shame that the public were led to believe that the only option to protect children from this kind of bullying was to make threats of extreme violence. As a police officer DI Hardy should have known that these young men had committed a serious criminal offence - probably several offences, and he should have arrested them.

Sending an indecent image of a minor via a text message, an email, or any other electronic means is breaking the law under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. A minor means anyone under the age of 18. That's right, even 16 and 17 year old's who can consent to sex, cannot consent to the distribution of an indecent image of themselves. It is an offence, even if the image was taken or distributed with the permission of the child/young person.

The teenagers who stole the phone and then forwarded the images without DI Hardy's daughter's permission, had done this in an attempt to bully and intimidate her. In an earlier episode the boys had visited the house and left a message saying that, 'the boys had been around'. So as well as the Sexual Offences Act 2003 they had fallen foul of the Computer Misuse Act 1990. This piece of legislation made it illegal to gain unauthorised access to computer material and unauthorised access with intent to commit or facilitate a crime. They may also have broken the Communications Act 2003, Section 127 which made it an offence to send a message that is grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character over a public electronic communications network.

I believe that we should be cautious before we start charging children with criminal offences. The teenage years are difficult and most of us make mistakes along the way. The current advice for schools is that sexting incidents should be dealt with 'in house' unless there are additional factors which include; significant differences in age, coercion, widespread distribution of the image, repeated incidents, or if the young people involved may be vulnerable or in need. In the Broadchurch story this was not a case of some consensual shared sexy selfies, or even a case of immature exhibitionism, but a case of malicious sexual bullying and theft. A line had clearly been crossed between sharing an erotic selfie with a boyfriend or girlfriend, to one of sexual threats and intimidation.

I do wonder why children seem to get less protection from the Police than an adult. I wonder how DI's Hardy and Miller might have reacted if someone had stolen the phone of one of the adult characters? What would they have done if nude photos from an adults stolen phone were sent to the whole town in an attempt to intimidate them. I think DI Hardy would have thrown the book at them!

As a child I was warned wait till your father gets home! It must have been a nightmare for my Dad, expected to deliver punishment to me for something that he had no involvement in and that had happened hours previously.

While the role of fathers is changing we are still expected to be the disciplinarians. Many of us are turning against corporal punishment. I have never smacked either of my children and I can honestly say they are far more well behaved and well adjusted than I ever was.

I answered a question from a father who asked if it was OK to physically restrain his teenage child when they threw a 'tantrum'. My reply asked whether the teenager was likely to hurt themselves or others? If not, then ‘restraint’ is likely to exacerbate any situation. Parents and carers can use restraint to protect their children but in my opinion should do so only as a last resort if the child is likely to harm themselves or others.

The use of restraint is a skill taught to carers by professionals who might use it. The use of restraint by unqualified and unskilled individuals - even though well meaning, can be is potentially dangerous, even lethal. Just type into Google ‘death while being restrained’ and I'm sure you will find the names of people like Karl Brunner, Kingsley Burrell and Eric Garner.

If you use restraint, though you may try to remain calm, your heart rate will increase and adrenaline levels rise. It will be really hard to stay calm yourself. Remaining calm is the key and this is very hard if you are wrestling with a teenager. Think “how will my child perceive my attempt to restrain them?” Will they think you are try to assault or hurt them? If so, they might fight back. What would you then do if the punch, smack or bite you? Would you be able to stop yourself retaliating?

In an inquiry into children's homes in Britain, investigators found that staff had been using restraint as a punishment. Children were warned they would be ‘decked’ if they did not comply with the rules. So restraint became a disguised method of physical punishment. Restraint is a minefield and not very effective. Unless your child is at genuine risk of injury, leave them alone. Your child will calm down far more quickly if you ignore their temper tantrum.

A strategy of ignoring temper tantrums is far more effective because what the child is doing is trying to get your attention. It's not easy to ignore this behaviour but it is the most effective strategy.

In a survey published this month of 2,750 pupils in the UK aged 11-18, they found that;

• Almost half (45%) of students admit they check their mobile device after going to bed. Of those:
• A quarter (23%) check their mobile device more than 10 times a night
• A quarter (25%) spend more than an hour on their mobile device after going to bed (just over 11% of the whole)

Screentime and sleeptime can be difficult bedfellows especially for young people and can make the changes in their sleep patterns caused by puberty worse.

We know from research into the changes taking place in the teenage brain that adolescents need at least an hour extra sleep a night. We also know that these changes in their brain, known as myelination make it more difficult for them to get to sleep in the first place. Anyone who has lived with teenagers knows that they sometimes go through a nocturnal phase, where they stay up half the night and then cant get out of bed and want to sleep until noon.

So this need for extra hours of sleep, coupled with a difficult to actually get to sleep, acts as a double whammy that can make teenagers tired, moody and unable to concentrate. When we then add to the mix the effect of screentime, this can seriously exacerbate this cocktail of causes of insomnia making it even more difficult for teenagers to get to sleep. As a aid to teenagers and parents I've come up with a six point guide that offers some help and advice.

One. Location of the phone

Ideally leave the phone downstairs. Its the best place for it. Leave temptation in the living room! I've come across young people who put their phone on charge and then put it under their pillow which plugged in! This is a recipe for disaster as the above picture from Bedfordshire Fire and Rescue Service shows. Phones and tablets generate heat when being charged and if the airflow around them is restricted, there can be a serious risk of overheating. So dont leave it on charge under a pillow on on the bed.

If the phone is being used as an alarm clock, then leave it on the other side of the room. It acts as a more effective alarm if you have to get out of bed to turn it off and is less of a temptation to 'just check my status one more time' before I go to sleep.

Two. Turn off notifications

Notifications are all those buzzes and beeps the remind us that someone has 'liked' our latest pin on Pinterest, or has 'commented' on our most recent Facebook status. This might be useful during the day but we don’t want our phones buzzing and beeping all night. So turn them off! It's really easy and you don’t have to go through each app individually to turn all the notifications off. Apple and Android phones have ‘do not disturb’ features built in which turn off notifications but don’t affect the alarm function! Both iOS and Android offers you an option to set a regular schedule to turn off notifications. You only need to set this option once, so every night at bedtime your phone will automatically remember to switch into 'Do Not Disturb' mode and then flip back out of it when its time to get up.

Three. Work out actual usage

Winning an argument with teenagers can be tough, so get some facts first. Don't guess or estimate their phone usage, instead get them to work out for themselves how often and for how long they are using them. Just like counting calories or units of alcohol, we all underestimate our consumption of the things we like. It can be a shock when we find out how many hours we are using our electronic devices. There are a couple of apps out there that will track for us our usage of tablets and phones for us.

• RealizD
• Moment
• ScreenTime

Get the young person to track their actual usage themselves and then have a discussion based on the evidence. Occasionally the act of monitoring their own usage may be enough to cause them to reduce it.

Four. Reduce blue light exposure

The light that comes from the screens of our phones and tablets contains lots of blue light. Generally this is a good thing because the blue light increases our perception of brightness and makes the whites on our screen appear brighter and the text easier to read. The morning sun is rich in blue light and as the day goes on the blue light levels lessen and instead light from the red and yellow spectrum becomes stronger. That's why evening light is more orange in tone. The constant levels of blue light from our electronic screens trick our body into thinking it's always morning, even when it is bedtime. To counter this we need our devices to mimic the shift in the suns light spectrum. effect if you have an iOS device make sure the NightShift App is switched on and for Android users install the Twilight app. These clever apps tweak the colours on our screens giving them a slight amber tint in the evenings and at night.

Five. Agree on acceptable use

Agree 'when, where and for how' your child can use their phone or tablet. OK. this is easy to say and hard to do. Firstly agree the rules of acceptable use before the young person gets the device. Rules about use are really hard to bring in retrospectively. Start a negotiation. Ask the young person what they think is acceptable and work from there. Some experts have suggested a written acceptable use contract. This seems a bit heavy handed for family life but if you think about it we all have to sign contracts and agreement for our phones, so perhaps its not as bad as it sounds. You can write you own, adapt one of the existing forms I've listed in the E safety resources, or use Janell Burley Hoffmans iRules builder. This is an automated multi-choice contract builder that allows you to create a customised phone/tablet/games-console use contract between you and your child. Maybe its a difference between US and UK cultures but I find it a bit too insistent in tone. However its certainly worth a look.

Six. Reward responsible use

Teenagers find it hard to keep to boundaries especially when many of their friend's parents appear to allow their children unrestricted use. It seems so unfair. How many times have you heard the phrase "But Steve's parents let him ....."? We could reply with the 'my house my rules' but that used to drive me mad and I bet it would drive you mad too. So offer incentives - you would expect that from your employer and incentive are so much more effective than sanctions. Find out what really your child would like and use rewards and incentives to promote responsible use.

Researchers at Swansea University this week released some remarkable findings into the tactics of on-line groomers. This ground breaking research is rather surprising and debunks a few of the myths of how abusers groom children and young people online. Analysing transcripts of more than a hundred online groomers, the researchers discovered that the abusers rarely pretended to be children and most did not even bother to pretend to be younger. They also found that the periods of time spent grooming the victim were often quite short and sometimes only lasting twenty minutes. Elaborate deceptions that involve fake personalities and extended grooming periods may make great newspaper stories, but according to this research are not the norm. They also found that praising techniques were used more often that coercion.

The research has confirmed what I’ve thought for a long time. That there are lots of young people out there who are keen to chat about sex and if abusers find that someone is not interested or impressionable enough, they quickly move on. Due to the massive number of children using the internet, it is easy to find someone who is interested to talk about sex. There are also lots of children desperate for adult attention and if talking about sex gets it, they will. It also seems obvious to anyone who has worked with children that praise and positive reinforcement are more effective techniques than pressure and coercion.

Psychologist John Suller talks about ‘The Online Disinhibition Effect’ and the ‘perceived anonymity’ that the internet offers. This anonymity can mask an individual’s identity and actions, creating the illusion of being completely hidden and safe. It allows them to act in a manner that reflects their true feelings and without regard to repercussions their actions might incur. This ‘perceived anonymity’ gives abusers the confidence to overcome some of the external and internal barriers that may inhibit them from abusing children. However this anonymity also gives children and young people the confidence to say things that they might not do or say in real life.

So how can we help the children we are living or working with to keep themselves safe online? There are many techniques and strategies that I teach on my training courses but if I could give only one piece of advice it would be this ‘engage in the child’s online life’. Many parents and carers learn about the intricacies of the offside rule, the colour of Real Madrid’s away kit or the impending split of One Direction, but know nothing about Instagram or Snapchat.

A parent recently confided in me that she was concerned about her teenage daughter using Snapchat and asked if I could I teach her all about it. I told her instead to go and ask her daughter to give her a lesson. I suggested she ask her daughter how to use it and what she should do to keep herself safe. Engagement and discussion with children and young people is key and is a far more successful strategy than an authoritarian approach that lays down the law and sets rules of iron. If children are afraid that they will be banned from using the internet or losing their mobile phone, they are unlikely to confide in us when they are at risk. Abusers need secrecy to succeed and this cannot happen if we have open and honest communication with children and young people.

Lots of young people and many adults too Tweet messages and are blissfully unaware that they can be held to account legally for the comments they make in them. As a way of making raising awareness about the potential pitfalls of Tweeting libelous or offensive comments I came up with this quiz. Just link the faces to the Tweets and then the tweets to the outcomes. Give it a go and see how ell you get on.

Match the Picture with the Tweet and to the Penalty

Scroll down for the answers

I was recently asked a question by a father whether he should take his three year old daughter into a male changing room. I said that he should, but his question got me thinking about how the presence of children can actually improve men's behaviour.

Most men are not monsters and if you take a three year old girl into a male changing room, Men will behave appropriately. My advice was to say loudly when going in “alright guys - I’m bringing my daughter in” to give everyone a heads up. However the presence of children amongst a group of men in my experience changes the dynamic and atmosphere for the better.

It is interesting that even pictures of young children actually improves the behaviour of most men. In Woolwich, in London after the recent riots, shop owners have started painting the faces of babies on the shutters of their shops. The idea was that the sight of young children subconsciously encourages less violence and promotes better behaviour. Local mobile phone shop owner Zaphir Awan said "It's been here about three weeks now, most passers-by who see him smile. I wish we could keep the shutters down and open the shop at the same time. That would be ideal."

Image Evening Standard

This belief that men behave better when children are around is not just a gut feeling, there is some real science behind it. According to the Fatherhood Institute, the act of caring for babies renders men more nurturing, and is correlated with raised levels of hormones associated with tolerance and trust called oxytocin. Other hormones released are called cortisol which encourages sensitivity to infants and prolactin which promotes bonding. Among males, physiological changes can occur with 15 minutes of holding a baby; and the more experienced a male is as a caregiver, the more pronounced are the changes.

So when children are around men and men are acting in a caring role, it does have positive effects. I've been really impressed by the charity MenCare . They are an international campaign that believe that society can be transformed by the involvement of men in the caregiving of children. We don't keep children safer by segregating them from men but by the opposite, by involving men more in their caregiving. Amazingly the benefits of men becoming more involved with the caring of children does not just effect men and their children but improves the lives of women too, by reducing domestic violence and improving relationships.

Teenagers playing computer games for hours on end can be one of the biggest causes of family arguments. The trouble is, computer games can be really immersive! They transport players into a world where magic or mayhem are commonplace and the real world by comparison is dull and boring. Dragging yourself away from this amazing world can be difficult for most of us, but it seems to be especially tough for teenagers. So why is this?

Its all the fault of my brain

Modern advances in brain scanning now show us that the prefrontal cortex area of the brain does not fully develop until the early twenties. This part of the brain is where advanced thinking processes occur, such as judgement, impulse control and the ability to regulate our more primitive urges. At the risk of oversimplifying the process, teenagers brains get out of balence. During the teenage years the brain pathways called dendrites in the prefrontal cortex die off. This process, called synaptic pruning is the brain preparing itself to become the more sophisticated adult brain. The dendrites that are left will become thicker and stronger. During this process of change the more primitive "reptilian" part of the brain where processes like fear, excitement, and sexual stimulation occur is less confined and restricted. This is why teenagers are often drawn to horror films, roller coasters and motorbikes and are liable to get involved in risk taking behaviour.

Self Regulation

So what do all these brain changes have to do with E-safety? Well, it means that teenager's ability to regulate themselves is not as fully developed as that of adults. Whatsmore teenagers have a predisposition to the visceral and primitive stimulation that some games provide. They need our help in regulating their computer usage. Most parents instinctively understand this and try to limit or ration their child's gaming. However this is also where the rows and arguments also occur. Fortunately technology can also assist good parenting through the use of the 'family timer'.

Parental Controls

As part of my E-safety courses I often get the participants to have a go at setting parental controls on digital devices such as; an XBox, an iPad and a PC. It's the fun 'hands on' bit of the course that everybody enjoys. Most who attend are really surprised at extent of the controls and the range of option it gives them. The majority tend to think parental controls are just about stopping kids from viewing porn but there is much more that we can do. One of the most useful tools it offers is the ability to put an automatic limit on playing time. Yes that's right, you can electronically limit the time spent playing games.

So how do I do it?

Each device is different but technology is still your friend, just 'google' parental controls and the name of the device and follow the steps. This is how to set a family timer for the Xbox 360.

• On your console, go to Settings, and then select Family.
• Select On to turn on Console Safety.
• Enter a 4-button pass code using your controller.
• Select Family Timer.
• Select whether you want to set a Daily or Weekly timer.
• Move down to the time period and use the left stick to increase or decrease the time period, then select Continue.
• Select Save and Exit.

Not a substitute for good parenting

Some devices have better controls than others. Windows 7, 8 and 10 all have features that not only let you limit the length of time but lets you choose at what times of the day your child can play. Sadly the Playstation PS3 or PS4 doesn't not support either of these safety features. Remember, the family timer is not a substitute for good parenting. Just like a seatbelt is not a substitute for safe driving using a family timer is not a substitute for talking to your child about their computer use. Do get involved in your child's digital life, don't just leave them to it. If your child's gaming is getting out of hand, there is an alternative. Don't do what one parent I know did and chop the XBox power cable in two with scissors!

I am really proud of the infographic that we created as part of the training on E-Safety for the charity Voices from Care Cymru. Voices is an excellent organisation that supports children and young people who have been, or are in the 'care' system. I was really impressed by the knowledge and enthusiasm of the young people who attended the course and it turned out to be a really great day. At the end of the course we all sat down together and came up with a list of all of the top E-safety tips we had identified during the training.

I went away and with a colleague adapted some of the images from one of Voices from Care's existing campaigns. We supplemented those graphics with some new ones of our own. We used the same graffiti style stencil art, so it matched their house style. Part of the brief was to produce a 'poster' for a web site. as part of the training we realised that very few of the young people had regular access to computers and viewed the internet exclusively via a mobile phone. Therefore a text heavy traditional poster of web page would be totally unsuitable for them. That is why I plumbed for the infographic format. An infographic is a representation of information in a graphic format designed to make the data easily understandable at a glance.

Working and living in Wales means having to meet the demands of the Welsh Language Act 1993. It requires that the Welsh language is given the same emphasis and status as the English language. So if you receive public funding for a project, then your posters, handouts and publicity materials all have to be in both Welsh and English. In this case the training was funded by the Welsh Assembly Government, so the materials produced had to be bilingual.

Most people think that major issue would be getting the translation correct. However there is more to designing a bilingual poster than just getting the words right. One of the difficulties is that the English and Welsh phrases are not the same length or number of letters and fitting the Welsh into the same space as the English is sometimes not possible. You may also recall that the law requires us to give English and Welsh the same 'status', so reducing the font size to accommodate the Welsh (and for some reason Welsh is always longer) is not acceptable. So in the case of our Welsh language infographic we had to design both posters so that there was enough space for the longer Welsh phrases. I'm really pleased. What do you think?

I love the magazine Digital Parenting and would recommend it to all my readers. I would check out the back issues as well. The latest edition is free as a PDF.

Lots of media coverage about children and E-safety in my opinion is sensationalist nonsense designed to cause fear and outrage, rather than help parents make good decisions about how to protection their children. Digital Parenting is one of the notable exceptions. I have to declare an interest here in that I was interviewed for one of the articles about foster parents and E-safety. This is the article.

Set realistic expectations early on

Newly fostered children often arrive with mobile devices they’ve brought from their previous home. They may have been allowed to view unsuitable material or to stay up late online, resulting in sleep deprivation.

It can be a challenge to change such habits, but it’s not impossible. It’s best to establish ground rules regarding online time immediately, just as you would with any other house rules.

It’s also important to be realistic: telling a child that they can use the computer only where you can see them isn’t going to work in the mobile age.

Don’t jump to conclusions

Do a bit of research first and find out what it is that they like about a particular game or website. Check it out yourself and don’t rely on sensationalist newspaper stories.

Be clued up

Technology moves so quickly that it can be difficult to keep track. But it’s essential to be aware of what different devices can do. One family were happily allowing their child to play on a games console, without realising that it was connected to the wifi and that the child was using it to contact his birth parent.

Be positive and communicate

Engage in their digital lives and show an interest in what your foster child does online. Share your favourite websites and talk to them about theirs. If you’re already talking about the fun and easy stuff, they’ll be much more likely to tell you if something scary does happen.

Whenever I deliver courses on E-Safety, I ask participants the following question. "What age children is the character Spiderman aimed?" Individuals suggest; eight or nine, a few think a little older; twelve or thirteen years old.

Yet despite this feeling by the majority of parents and carers that Spiderman is a character aimed at early or pre-teens, the XBox and Playstation game "The Amazing Spiderman" is rated as PEGI 16. PEGI stands for Pan European Games Information and it is a European voluntary system of categorizing video games. The PEGI web site states "Titles rated 16+ have been assessed to be suitable for gamers above the age of 16. May contain violence showing graphic and detailed depictions of brutality, death or injury to unrealistic humans or animals, glamorization of crime, use of illegal drugs, encouragement of the use of tobacco or alcohol, sexual expletives or blasphemy, erotic or sexual nudity, sexual intercourse without visible genitals."

Not very helpful is it? Is that type of activity all featured in the Spiderman video game? Why is it given a higher classification than the film? It gets more complicated when we see that the exact same game, with an identical cover and identical artwork, but programed for other platforms such as the Wii and Nintendo DS, are not rated 16 but 12! It then gets even more complicated if you look at reviews written in the USA, where the XBox game is categorised as a "Teen" game which is defined as for children aged 13 plus.

The Spiderman franchise is an interesting example when it comes to trying to identify what games or films are age appropriate for children. In 2002 the British Board of Film Classification changed its rating system to accommodate the film Spiderman. The censors replaced the original 12 certificate that the film had been awarded with a new category, the advisory 12A rating. This additional category allowed children under the age of 12 into cinemas, if accompanied by an adult. The DVD release is still rated as a 12, as the 12A category only exists for film showings in cinemas.
It gets even more complicated when you start talking to children and find that Spiderman is hugely popular with primary school age children and has been relentlessly marketed at that age group. Just look at these pyjamas! Made for children between the ages of two to ten years. It looks to me as if they have used the same artwork as the cover of the video game and just transposed the image from left to right.

So what can parents do who want some kind of control and understanding of what their children view and play? My advice is get some good quality information so you can decide what is suitable for your child. In my honest opinion the best source of unbiased information about games, films and videos is found at Common Sense Media web site

Common Sense Media is a non-profit organisation that aims to improve the lives of children and their families by providing trustworthy information on media such as films and video games. Their reviews are balanced, well thought out and give parents and educators the tools they need to make good decisions about what children should watch and play. This is what they say about the Spiderman game.

"Parents need to know The Amazing Spider-Man is a "Teen"-rated comic book-themed game. If you're not OK with your kids reading Spider-Man comics or watching Spider-Man movies, then you won't want them playing the game, as there is a lot of violence -- though no blood or gore. Spider-Man engages in melee brawls with enemies and uses web-slinging moves, too. The game also has some mild suggestive themes and mild profanity."

That's exactly the kind of information I want and exactly the kind of information parents need..

Headlines last week loudly proclaimed that "Just 1% Of Men Take Shared Parental Leave". Have things changed so little? Is it true that most fathers want so little to do with their newly born son or daughter?

The statistic published in a report by "My Family Care" and the "Women’s Business Council" in my opinion seems completely out of touch with the real world. Just take a walk around any major supermarket, or town centre and count the number of men with babies and small children. Has no one else noticed it?

When I was a child in the 60's and early 70's my Dad would drive my Mum to the supermarket and then sit in the car while she did the shopping. Today this behaviour sounds bizarre, however back in the 1970's the strict demarcation of sex roles was part of everyday life. It existed in family life as well as the world of work. In factories such as the Ford car plant in Dagenham, workers kept strictly to to their jobs and could end up be be punished if a plumber changed a lightbulb, or an electrician touched up paintwork. At home men 'brought home the bacon' but did not do the shopping and certainly took no part in child care.

So do British men still live in the 1970's? If we believed the figures reported by the survey, we would be right in thinking so. Fortunately the Radio 4 programme 'More or Less' has completely debunked the 1% figure, calling it "one of the worst statistics we have ever looked at on More or Less... it is just so wrong."

So why was it so wrong? Well, instead of looking at the number of men who had become fathers that year, the survey compared the number of fathers taking shared paternity leave with the total number of men in the whole workforce! This would include men who had become fathers decades previously, or men who had no children at all. Yet this 'wrong' story was reprinted widely and uncritically in sources including; The Mail, The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph and Sky News.

The 'real' evidence shows that most fathers care deeply about their children and want to be involved with them. A survey published in 2008 by the Welsh charity Children in Wales revealed that 89% of fathers in Wales were present at the birth of their child, and around 65% of them had attended ante-natal classes with their partner. Perhaps what the survey does show is how clearly out of touch the mainstream media are with fathers today.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b075thgl#play

http://www.childreninwales.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/fathers-guidance-english-web.pdf

Many parents panic when it comes to keeping their children safe online. I frequently hear parents complain "My children know so much more about technology than I do, so how can I possibly keep them safe?"
However most parents do know how to keep their children safe online, all they have to do is ask the same questions our parents asked us when we went out to play;

• "Where are you going?"

• "Who are going to meet?"

• "What will you be doing?"

and

• "When will you be coming home?"

Its not rocket science. Many parents are intimidated by the technology and fail to see that the questions we should be asking are the same questions asked by our grandparents and great grandparents of our fathers and mothers.

Our first question should be, 'which web sites or games are you going to be visiting?' Are there any sites that they found embarrassing or upsetting?

The second question is, "who are the people that you are going to meet?" Are they people from "real life," or are they friends you have met while gaming or social networking? Don't panic if it is the latter. If your child is going to play a game online as a character, or avatar, then if they talk to other characters it is not particularly hazardous. Just like playing another team in football you might not know their individual names or details, but that shouldn't stop you enjoying yourself. However you might want to remind them about sharing their details such as their name age and home or school address. but you then should move on to the next question which is...

"What will you be doing?" Try and get a handle on what kind of online activities your child enjoys. Talk to them about it. Just as many parents listen to blow by blow accounts of sports events, try to get them talking about what they've been up to. Suggest they show what they've been up to you in an interested, rather than a censorious way. Are they building the Empire State Building in Minecraft? Are they trying to get to the top of the league in FIFA or beating the fastest lap time in Forza? If you know a little about online culture your children will be more willing to engage with you.

Finally the questions that drives most parents up the wall, is the length of time children stay online. I don't like fishing. I find it boring and unstimulating and therefore cannot understand how grown men can spend hours sitting on a rock looking out to sea. In the same way many parents do not get why young people love being on line. For their parents it is a chore associated with work or technologically baffling. While I'm not recommending unrestricted access to the internet for children, do try to understand that it is completely immersive and enthralling for them. While you may find it a chore, like fishing or high street shopping do understand that other will love it.

Set boundaries early on. If your child wants a computer or games console, agree time limits with them before the device arrives. Negotiate with the child or young person and ask them "how long do they think you will need on the game or computer?" Imposing rules without discussion is far more likely to fail. Instead negotiate with them and ask what they think is reasonable and fair. You will be surprised. Rules like this are far more likely to be effective and enforceable in the long run.